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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. Who cares if I can't spell Armageddon?

    It's not the end of the world.
     
    #3621 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  2. My wife opened her legs to show her crotchless knickers and said, "Come and have a bit of this."


    I said, "Feck off, have you seen what it's done to your underwear?"
     
    #3622 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
  3. Some girls must think I'm stupid. I was at a party and was dancing with this girl that I'd been with all night. After a few drinks she whispered in my ear, "I'm wearing matching underwear and socks."

    "You stupid bitch" I replied, "You're not even wearing any socks."

    I'm still a virgin....
     
    #3623 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Considering the amount of shit that comes out of a woman's mouth, I find it really surprising that most of them object to sucking a clean cock.
     
    #3624 El Toro, Aug 23, 2013
  5. I've been building a zoo in our back garden. It's been a top secret project.

    Now the wife's gone and fucked it up by giving the game away.
     
    #3625 El Toro, Aug 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  6. My Wife has left me for a farmer.

    Well at least i think so.

    She sent me one of those John Deere letters.
     
    #3626 El Toro, Aug 23, 2013
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  7. My wife and I went dogging last night.

    It was her first time.

    So I took the lead.
     
    #3627 El Toro, Aug 23, 2013
  8. We are a professional couple. I'm a doctor and my wife's a judge.

    She knows how to try my patients.
     
    #3628 El Toro, Aug 23, 2013
  9. Bradley Manning's desire to be treated as a woman has confused things.

    Did he leak information in the national interest? Or was it that she couldn't keep her big fat mouth shut?
     
    #3629 El Toro, Aug 23, 2013
  10. I've discovered something quite fascinating , Not only was Jesus born on a public holiday , He also died on one.
     
    #3630 El Toro, Aug 23, 2013
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  11. food scandal hit the catholic church, communion wafers found to contain 0% christ!
     
    #3631 finm, Aug 23, 2013
  12. For sale: 6 rubber eggs.

    Great price, can't be beaten.
     
    #3632 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
  13. I've lost over half a stone on the Adam Ant diet.

    It's really easy...dont chew ever, dont chew ever.
     
    #3633 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2013
  14. Q. What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bum?

    A. Warren.
     
    #3634 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  15. You snooze etc etc :tongue:
     
    #3635 El Toro, Aug 23, 2013
  16. You snoozed again :tongue:
     
    #3636 El Toro, Aug 23, 2013
  17. BBC news headline: Old people from Greece forced to search bins for food.


    I don't know how John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John can sleep at night.
     
    #3637 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  18. A mystery lottery winner has come forward with an offer to buy Glasgow Rangers Football Club.


    He got 3 numbers.
     
    #3638 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
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  19. Q. If you take nine pigs, four cows and three dogs, what do you have?

    A. A hen party in Essex.
     
    #3639 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  20. Newsflash:

    Police have apprehended the man who robbed the music shop earlier today.

    He was caught with the lute.
     
    #3640 Rudolph Hart, Aug 23, 2013
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