Christianity: where a man doubtlessly walked on water But a fish cannot possibly have moved onto land.
I bet my wife if she fell into the Grand Canyon she'd get stuck. She didn't get stuck but I still won.
If potential suicide bombers had just have rented out an empty shop last night and advertised "GTA V on sale here at midnight", they could have all had their 72 virgins early.
David Cameron says use of the word "yid" with no hatred shouldn't attract prosecution Dyslexics in Wickes have welcomed the news
Don't ever ask rhetorically; "What is wrong with me?" in front of your wife. I did this two days ago. She's still telling me....
Found a skid mark in my boxers last night. Serves me right for buying my underwear from a charity shop.
Just got the 'All clear' from the doctors. Seems like the Dyson Ball Cleaner didn't do what I expected it to!
What's the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United? Prince Andrew has never regretted getting rid of Fergie.
Apparently, the security fingerprint sensor on the iPhone 5S can be unlocked by a cat's paw. I was wondering how they managed to upload all their videos to YouTube.
I put on my dating site profile that I was looking for a woman 'to take me into her bosom'. I got plenty of replies. Unfortunately they didn't realise that I was just looking for a tit wank.
Don't you just hate it when you wake up after a heavy night drinking and your hair's been shaved, a cock drawn on your face and you've got piss all over you? It makes it worse knowing that you were drinking at home by yourself.
While on holiday in Brazil, I decided to go and visit Praia do Cassino Beach, the longest beach in the world. When I got there I found it was the same length as every other beach I'd been to. It was quite wide though.
A German, a Frenchman and a Briton are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the German "They must be German." "Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter," the Briton points out, "They have only an apple to eat between them, and they're being told this is paradise. They are British."
I pulled a sexy Thai bird last night and we went back to my place. I started to pull her panties down and I was horrified at what I found. Completely shocked. Right there, in between her legs was a vagina.
Rolf Harris charged with 'Making indecent images of children'. His painting of The Queen wasn't that good either....
My Wife says she is getting really sick of my Yodeling, She says “most men just groan when they ejaculate”
