There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his testicles weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution." ''Why?' asked the head nurse. "Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."
Q: Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas? A: Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.
Q: Why are politicians proof of reincarnation? A: You just can't get that screwed up in one lifetime.
my mates shaging twins who both like it up the arse.. i asked "how do you tell them apart?" easy he said, sally got big tits and dereks got a moustache!.
A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly. Suddenly, Lorraine died. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
The 45 Difference: Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.
In case the country gets invaded and I have to quickly hide, I have a big pop art painting on my wall that hides a secret panic room. I call it my handy war hole.
'LSD makes users lose weight' That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.
So a passenger was forced to land a plane after the pilot fell ill at the controls. Ryanair have since charged the passenger for his seat upgrade.
It amazes me how women say, "I don't want to sound like a bitch or anything..." Yet they keep fucking talking.
My wife said, "I'm going to the gym, I'm gonna try losing weight." I said, "I wouldn't bother, it keeps finding you."
A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."
My mate bet me £100 that I couldn't do an impression of a butterfly. I thought that's got to be worth a flutter!
my ex wife could manipulate the muscles of her fanny so it felt like she was giving a blow job, which is ironic because when she minipulated the muscles of her mouth she sounded like a cunt.
