Dr dave has slept with one of his patients and felt really guilty. no matter how much he tried the sense of betrayal was overwhelming. but every once in a while he'd hear an internal reassuring voice say "dave dont worry about it, you arnt the first doctor to sleep with one of there patience and you wont be the last and your single, just let it go". But invariably the other voice would would bring him back to reality whispering "dave your a fucking vet".
I don't get religion, believing in someone who did great things thousands of years ago in the hope they may do it again . . . . A bit like supporting Arsenal really!!
I was thrown out of school for crapping on the teacher's desk. My wife said she'll do parent's evenings from now on.
The Fire Brigade were trying to rescue an Irishman from the 10th floor of a burning building. A Fireman shouted: "Jump and we'll catch you in this blanket!" The Irishman replied: "Feck off, I don't trust you - lay it on the floor!"
My grandparents are called Pearl and Dean. But I just know them as Gran and Granpapapapapapapapapapa (you have to sing it out loud :wink: )
In America you can be whoever you want to be. In fact at the airports taxi drivers wait for you at the arrivals area holding cards with suggestions.
Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten 50p coins?" Nurse: "No change yet."
Q. Why did Michael Jackson invent the Moonwalk? A. It was a great way to get out of kids' bedrooms unheard.
How come wrong numbers are never busy? Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why is it that night falls but day breaks? Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
The South East of England is now on high alert thanks to the weather. They are expecting a massive influx of empty crisp packets from Portsmouth.
When the wife walked past me in the garden wearing an extremely short mini-skirt I hit the roof. I don't usually come that hard.....
At a poker game last night I let out an appalling Silent But Deadly, and while the other players were using their cards to waft away the stench I got a sneaky peek at what they were holding. I played my trump card.
This man approached me in town, "Would you like a big issue Sir?" He asked. "No thanks," I replied. "I'm sure my wife will already have something lined up when I get home."
Going to scare the shit out of pensioners in my street when I go trick or treating on halloween night. I'm dressing up as a gas bill.
A new contraceptive pill for men has just been launched. You put it in your shoe & it's guaranteed to make you limp.
