Joke Page

Yes we have moved on. It would have been sailfish of us to stick on the puns topic.

 

LEARN TO SPEAK CHINESE...

Ai Bang Mai Ne - I bumped into the coffee table
Ar U Wun Tu - A gay liberation greeting
Chin Tu Fat - You need a face lift
Dum Gai - A stupid person
Gun Pao Der - An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung - Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding - We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive
Jan Ne Ka Sun - A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia - Approach me
Lao Zi - Not very good
Lin Ching - An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding - Achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn - A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai - A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae - Be A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne - A small horse
Ten Ding Ba - Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung - A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan - Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah - Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim - Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting - There is no reason to raise your voice
Si-Ling Fan - A device to keep you cool
Sum Dum Fuk - Irritating drivers

 

My understanding is that they're fish. They have gills - there have been articles written regarding pain caused when fishing hooks embed in the gill arch. Agree that Dolphins are mammals though.

Sailfish are two species of fish in the genus Istiophorus, living in warmer sections of all the oceans of the world. They are predominately blue to grey in color and have a characteristic erectile dorsal fin known as a sail, which often stretches the entire length of the back. Another notable characteristic is the elongated bill, resembling that of the swordfish and other marlins. They are therefore described as billfish in sport fishing circles.

 

A Man called 999 and said, "I think my wife is dead"
The operator said, ”How do you know?”
The man said, "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!”

 

David Cameron falls into a coma and awakes 3 years later.
His advisors explain he has been in a coma for 3 years, and George Osborne took over.
Cameron asks how Osborne is doing, and his advisors say, ok but inflation is a bit high.

Cameron says, "Well I remember stamps were 60p, how much do they cost now?"

His advisor says, "5000 yen."

 

A man goes to heaven and St. Peter shows him around?
They go past one room and the man asks, "Who are all those people in there?"
"They are the Methodists," says St. Peter.
They pass another room and the man asks the same question. "Oh, they are the Anglicans," says St. Peter.
As they're approaching the next room St Peter says "Take your shoes off and tip-toe by as quietly as you can."
"Why, who's in there?" asks the man.
"The Catholics," replies St. Peter, "And they think that they're the only ones up here."

 

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut through a
graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunk
fails to see an open grave and falls into it. He tries to
climb out of it, but it is too deep and the rain has turned
the dirt to mud and has made it too slippery to climb. He
gives up after a while and decides to spend the night there.

A while later, another drunk leaves the same bar and decides
to take the same shortcut through the graveyard. He, too,
falls into that open grave and tries to climb out but the
mud is too slippery. The first drunk is still sitting there
and watches as the other drunk tries but fails to get out.

The first drunk stands up, taps the second drunk on the shoulder
and tells him, "You'll never get out!".

He did.