It is hard to understand how a cemetery could raise its burial costs and blame it on the cost of living.
A scientist was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals trying to prove his theorem when he fell into the vat and became part of the solution.
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
2 years ago I bought my wife a fridge for Christmas. Every time she opens it her face just lights up.
i tried erotic asphyxiation on the girl friend when we were having sex the other night.shes been lying there for 5 days now, giving me the silent treatment
My grandad and gran are getting quite old now. I guess you can say,the lights are on, but... Oh hang on. Thanks to David Cameron they don't even have lights at the moment
The wife's putting the Christmas tree up tonight. Well, after two kids she's not getting the same sensation from regular sex.
Last night we caught a burglar eating the Christmas cake the wife made. I didn't know whether to call the Police or an ambulance.....
I've been to a posh private psychiatrist because of my obsession with snooker. After waiting in a cue he made me lie on the table, examined my balls and told me I needed to take a rest and have a good break. Then when he'd finished he emptied my fecking pockets.
DJ Campbell has released a statement saying that he's 100% innocent and hopes to play in Blackburn's 2-2 draw at Millwall on Saturday
An old lady was being examined by a doctor who asked her: "Have you ever been bedridden?" The old lady smiled and said: "I certainly have, and I've been table ended & back skuttled a few times too!"
"Julie in work said she had a landing strip." my wife said. "What does that mean?" "It's a pubic hairstyle, a thin line leading down to your cunt." I told her. "What's my style called then?" "Heathrow Airport."
