Every time I changed my young baby's nappy I kept noticing this green fluffy stuff in there. Turns out it was Pampers grass.
It's odd that Thelma & Louise spend an entire film challenging sexist stereotypes, then die at the end because of their terrible driving.
Everyone said the wife and I got married way too early. "Don't you think we should at least wait for some of the guests to arrive?" The priest insisted.
I woke up with a dead arm this morning. It felt like someone else was doing it when I punched the wife.
Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asked the first if she has ever sinned. "Well, once I looked at a man's penis," She said. "Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her. Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," She replied. "Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," Peter said. Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?" She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it."
Two Nun's are in the shower, one Nun says to the other, "Wheres the soap", the other Nun says "Yes, it does doesn't it."
I've just been reading with interest that Asda and Tesco waft bakery smells to encourage people to buy bakery items. I can only assume my local Lidl are promoting toilet rolls.
[TABLE] [TR="class: da_adp_links"] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 33%, align: left"][/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] Two rabbits escape from a research laboratory and find themselves in a field full of carrots, The rabbits cannot believe their luck and they begin eating until they fall asleep. The next day the young rabbit says to the old rabbit " I think it's time to head back to the lab". The old rabbit suggests they see whats in the next field, They find an entire field of cabbages and begin eating. The next day the young rabbit asks to go back to the lab, The old rabbit suggests seeing what is in the other field and once they crawl under the fence they find an entire field full of female rabbits. After an entire day of fucking everything in sight the next day the old rabbit turns to the young rabbit and says " I think its time to head back to the lab" The young rabbit asks "Why the hell would you want to go back to the lab we have two fields full of vegetables and the other is filled with female rabbits what more could you want?!" The older rabbit replies, "I'm dying for a fag."
What's the difference between prostate cancer and Katie Price? Prostate cancer will only fuck one in five men.
My wife says I have only two faults. I don't listen and . . . some other shit she was rattling on about
I was arrested yesterday for Shoplifting, The Officer said, "You are being charged with Stealing Two Bottles of Wine". I said, "You can't Charge me for Stealing Two Bottles!" Officer, "Why not?" "It was buy one get one free!" I replied
Gina G's biggest hit was about her boyfriend who suffered from premature ejaculation: 'Ooh ahh, jizzed a little bit'.
The wife says she needs to lose fifty pounds before our summer holiday. I've registered her for membership at the casino in town.
