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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. Houdini was known to have used a lot of trap doors in his act at one time, but he was just going through a stage.
     
    #4421 Rudolph Hart, Jan 7, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  2. I've just paid for my wife and her mother to go to Paris for two weeks.

    That's how much I hate the fucking French.
     
    #4422 El Toro, Jan 7, 2014
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  3. I was listening to the German version of Jack and Jill today.

    It's called Mike and Merk.
     
    #4423 El Toro, Jan 7, 2014
  4. I don't like to label myself as 'unemployed'.

    I like to think of myself as a highly trained back-up in case the entire Royal Family dies.
     
    #4424 El Toro, Jan 7, 2014
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  5. I called the suicide helpline earlier.

    Turns out they don't sell nooses or sleeping tablets.
     
    #4425 El Toro, Jan 7, 2014
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  6. I went back to some birds house last night.

    After we'd both stripped off, she walked over to her bed and asked, "Would you prefer to have sex on top or underneath?"

    "Definitely on top." I replied, "There's too many shoes underneath."
     
    #4426 El Toro, Jan 7, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  7. I've been having an online affair with the lead singer of 80's band Soul 2 Soul, but it's over now.

    It's back to wife, back to reality.
     
    #4427 El Toro, Jan 7, 2014
  8. My dog has never been so happy.


    I got him a blow up leg for Christmas.
     
    #4428 Rudolph Hart, Jan 7, 2014
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  9. Our old settee felt terrible until recently, but now it’s fully recovered.
     
    #4429 Rudolph Hart, Jan 7, 2014
  10. How can you tell when you've run out of invisible ink?
     
    #4430 Rudolph Hart, Jan 7, 2014
  11. Having to kiss the Pope's ring wouldn't be so bad ...


    ... if he didn't keep it in his back pocket.
     
    #4431 Pete1950, Jan 7, 2014
  12. Nuts on the wall = Walnuts

    Nuts on a chest = Chestnuts

    Nuts on a chin = A dick in the mouth
     
    #4432 Ghost Rider, Jan 7, 2014
  13. If ever the Swiss went to war they must be pretty confident in their chances of victory if they've included a corkscrew in their army knife.
     
    #4433 El Toro, Jan 8, 2014
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  14. My wife finds my jokes during sex hilarious.

    Last night she had multiple sarcasms.
     
    #4434 Rudolph Hart, Jan 8, 2014
    • Like Like x 2
  15. I have been reading the testimonies of the victims from Operation Yewtree........ Touching stuff.
     
    #4435 Rudolph Hart, Jan 8, 2014
  16. I was laughing at this woman trying for ages to park a car when I suddenly realised how thoughtless I was being.

    So I called my mates to come watch - they loved it.
     
    #4436 Rudolph Hart, Jan 8, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2014
    • Like Like x 1


  17. Pay attention!!!
     
    #4437 gliddofglood, Jan 8, 2014
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  18. Sorry gents. Been working long hours & not had much sleep, so I'm even dozier than usual....:upyeah:
     
    #4438 Rudolph Hart, Jan 8, 2014
  19. Q. What's the difference between a wife & a helicopter.

    A. Helicopters go down more frequently.
     
    #4439 Rudolph Hart, Jan 8, 2014
  20. If you want to get a man's attention, talk about tits.

    If you want to get a woman's attention, talk about another woman's tits.
     
    #4440 Rudolph Hart, Jan 8, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
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