I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought, "Well this changes everything.."
An Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he is inconsolable. His wife says to him, "why don't you put an ad in the paper to get him back". The farmer does this, but after two weeks, no phone calls, the dog is still missing. "What did you write in the paper?" asked his wife. "Here boy," said the farmer.
Had an Oscar last night after the wife refused to have sex with me. I shot my load in the bathroom...
A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbours dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,“I’ve had enough of this.” She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, “The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?” The blonde says, “I put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how THEY like it!
During his trial in South Africa, Oscar Pistorius has at times appeared somewhat unstable. But a couple of beer mats seem to have done the trick.
Just sent the following e-mail to HR: "My secretary is unable to attend the seminar on 'Innuendo in the workplace', so I'm filling her slot instead."
Just set up a support group for hypochondriacs. They all phoned in sick, but everyone turned up to the meeting.
We both know you've always had this obsession about getting into the Guinness Book of Records somehow. Well, they have just told me that the record for one person getting kicked in the arse is 1,794 times in succession. I think you can see where this is leading. And stop tugging so hard on those ropes.
My dad was a dustman. I didn't like him coming to collect us from school though. It's not that I was ashamed he was a dustman, it's just that you never knew which day he was going to come.
