David Moyes has been offered another job already! The Great Britain Tobogganing Team have said they have been looking for years for someone who can push a team downhill at that sort of speed.
So it looks like David Moyes left Old Trafford with a £4,000,000 pay off. And then there was the bonuses from Liverpool, Manchester City, Arsenal and Chelsea.
Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment? Yet when a woman talks dirty to a man it's £10.99 a minute???
THE ULTIMATE ETHNIC JOKE An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a Hawaiian and an Alaskan), an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, an Iranian, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Syrian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Canadian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 2 Africans, All walk into a fine restaurant. "I'm sorry," says the maitre d', after scrutinizing the group. "You can't come in here without a Thai.
Did you hear about the short-sighted surgeon who cut off a patient's testicles instead of amputating his leg? He got the sac....
Liverpool players have been issued with train tickets after the wheels on their bus fell off at the weekend..
My doctor says I'm addicted to masturbating. 'That's not true, I can stop anytime I want', I said. 'Could you stop now, I'm trying to have a conversation here', he replied.
My wife looks no different now than she did on our wedding day, almost 30 years ago. Mouth full of fecking cake......
"Go and have a look at the size of the shit I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife. "No thanks" she replied. "Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it, it's a good two pounder" Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there - you must've flushed it." I said, "It's on the scales!"
Q. WHat's the difference between a slut & a bitch? A. A slut will have sex with anyone, whereas a bitch will have sex with anyone but you...
My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah's Witness so he wouldn't arouse suspicion. He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
Filming the next installments of Star Wars in the UK is a bit disappointing. After all the others were filmed in space.
I found thousands of pictures of men sucking cocks on my son's computer under the file name 'homework'. I'd like to see how his teacher is going to explain this at parents' evening.
