The mother in law's doctor told her she had only 2 weeks to live. She said she would choose the last week in July & the first week in August.
My mate says that when he goes away on trips with work he always gets love sick. Or chlamydia as it is also known.....
My mate hired a Gary Glitter fancy dress costume so I asked him what it was like. He said, "It's too small, it looks like it's for fucking kids."
Q. Why do women take up knitting ? A. It gives them something to think about whilst they're talking...
Lidl have introduced a budget range of barbecue flavour crisps. They taste of bricks, charcoal & wire mesh...
Q. What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex? A. "Are you done?" Q. What are the three words women hate to hear during sex? A. "Honey, I'm home!"
My mate says if the makers of Gameover Zeus think they can take over his computer, empty his bank balance & make his life miserable, then they are too late. His ex-wife beat them to it.....
Steven Gerrard has revealed that the England World Cup squad has been practicing for penalty shoot outs. Apparently they've been walking around, shaking their heads & looking dejected..
