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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. My mate yelled frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

    "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.

    "No, you idiot!" Shouted my mate, "This is her husband!"
     
    #4881 Rudolph Hart, Jun 13, 2014
    • Funny Funny x 2
  2. [​IMG]
     
    #4882 El Toro, Jun 14, 2014
  3. If your birthday is on Valentines Day, best let the Postman know, just so he doesn't think you're a slag.
     
    #4883 El Toro, Jun 14, 2014
  4. [​IMG]
     
    #4884 El Toro, Jun 14, 2014
    • Like Like x 2
  5. Wayne Rooney's best position has now been confirmed.....

    Behind a 75-year old hooker.
     
    #4885 Rudolph Hart, Jun 15, 2014
  6. Bookies are now taking odds....

    On which flight the England team will fly home.
     
    #4886 Rudolph Hart, Jun 15, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Brilliant!
     
    #4887 gliddofglood, Jun 16, 2014
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  8. I was going to post a funny joke. But autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
     
    #4888 Rudolph Hart, Jun 16, 2014
    • Like Like x 2
  9. Necrophilia may be dead boring.

    But incest is only relatively boring...
     
    #4889 Rudolph Hart, Jun 16, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  10. .

    image.jpg
     
    #4890 El Toro, Jun 23, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  11. I bought some fruit cake from a man in the pub last night.

    Turns out it was stollen.
     
    #4891 Rudolph Hart, Jun 24, 2014
    • Like Like x 2
  12. People are talking about Fabricant's incredible syrup.

    I've looked all over, but none of our local supermarkets appear to stock it.
     
    #4892 Rudolph Hart, Jun 24, 2014
  13. Beware of geeks bearing GIFs...
     
    #4893 Rudolph Hart, Jun 24, 2014
    • Like Like x 2
  14. I just read an article on the dangers of cannibis and it scared the shit out of me. So thats it. I'm calling it quits...


    ...After today, no more reading.
     
    #4894 bootsam, Jun 24, 2014
  15. In a new Harry Potter book, a wizard walks into a gay bar & disappears with a poof.
     
    #4895 Rudolph Hart, Jun 24, 2014
  16. We are having a 'Jamaican Hairstyle Day' at work tomorrow.

    I'm dreading it...
     
    #4896 Rudolph Hart, Jun 24, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Roy Hodgson is already preparing for the 2016 Euro Finals.

    He's ordered the Sky Sports package so he can watch it.
     
    #4897 Rudolph Hart, Jun 24, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  18. Luis Suarez hopes to play against Germany later on in the tournament, because he'd like to try a shoulder of Lahm.
     
    #4898 El Toro, Jun 24, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  19. Suarez's agent has just said on sky sports that if Barcelona or Real Madrid come in with a bid his player will bite their hand off
     
    #4899 El Toro, Jun 24, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
  20. [​IMG]
     
    #4900 El Toro, Jun 24, 2014
    • Funny Funny x 1
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