Apparently Serena Williams has left the Wimbledon tournament with a virus. Odds are on it being man flu....
A doctor addressing a large audience in Oxford: "The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 80-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake"............
The way things are going, the BBC will soon be unable to show any more repeats from the 60s, 70s & 80s....
Rolf Harris was the Australian under-18 Backstroke champion during the 1940s. By the 1970s he'd moved on to the under-14 Breaststroke.
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"
My son's headmaster called me today & told me how disgusted he was to catch the young lad having sex with classmate Sarah Jones. I was also disgusted, I think she's the fat ginger kid with glasses..
Some translations to help French visitors to Yorkshire as the Tour De France passes through: Yorkshire: Ey Up French: Bonjour Yorkshire: How do French: Bonjour Yorkshire: Now then French: Bonjour Yorkshire: Alreet French: Bonjour Yorkshire: Cup O’ Tea French: Coup d’etat? Allez vite!!
