Tell a woman there are 400 billion stars and she'll believe you. Tell her a door has wet paint and she has to touch it.....
A moth goes to see a podiatrist…. Podiatrist:What’s the problem? Moth:I’m feeling really low. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. My wife’s left me, my kids never visit me and my mother died last week. I’ve got a job I hate, no real friends and I worry all the time. I can’t sleep, keep hearing noises and feel exhausted. Podiatrist:You need to see a psychiatrist. Why have you come here? Moth:Your light was on.
My mate got drunk last night after his best Facebook friend died. He cried into his beer, "We'll never see his like again."
The National Crime Agency reports 660 suspected paedophiles have been arrested today. Coincidentally, the dining room at the House of Parliament has reported a massive drop in daily takings....
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
The headlines say "Microsoft to axe 18,000 jobs". Can't they just let the employees run in the background?
