Two lions are walking down the aisle of a supermarket. One turns to the other and says. ‘Quiet in here today, isn’t it’
ENTRANCE EXAM FOR MEDICAL SCHOOL, QUESTION: "Rearrange the letters P-N-E-S-I to spell out the part of the human body that is most useful when erect." Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. The rest are in Parliament.
A man went into a pharmacy, reached into his pocket and took out a small Irish whiskey bottle and a teaspoon. He poured from the bottle onto the teaspoon and offered it to the pharmacist. "Could you taste this for me, please?" The pharmacist took the teaspoon, put it in his mouth, swilled the liquid around and swallowed it. "Does that taste sweet to you?" said the man. "No, not at all," said the chemist. "Oh that's a relief." He said, "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.
I’ve just come back from this new restaurant, Wong Fritz. It’s a Chinese German fusion...... Now I’m hungry for power.
Fact #1: Scotland can leave the UK simply by checking a box that says "Yes." Fact #2: I have to agree to 18 pages of terms and conditions to download iOS 8.
I'm gutted that the Scots didn't vote "yes", as I was planning to move up their for a couple of years, then get Scottish nationality , then come back as a foreigner, and get everything for nothing...
Apparently Parliament is to be recalled this week to approve air strikes. Seems rather harsh, just because 44% of Scots voted Yes.
Just announced to the family: "Hey kids, Granny's going to Dignitas. Shhh, don't tell her - it's a surprise!"
My mate rang last night to say his girlfriend wouldn't be joining us in the pub as she had a puncture. Shame, I had hoped he'd finally managed to get a real girlfriend...
