1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Page 28 of 470
  1. Q. What do cabinet ministers & sperm have in common?

    A. They both have a one in a million chance of becoming a human being.
     
    #541 Rudolph Hart, Sep 26, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
  2. My missus said i never take her anywhere expensive.
    I said grab yer coat.
    She said where are we going.
    I said the petrol station
     
    #542 markm, Sep 26, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Two interesting facts about me

    1) My knob is the same length as 2 Argos pens.

    2) I'm banned from Argos.
     
    #543 Tobytyke, Sep 27, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  4. #544 470four, Sep 27, 2012
  5. **NEWS FLASH**. A street in Liverpool was cordoned off today when an unidentified object was found in a car.. It was later identified as a tax disc
     
    #545 Ducbird, Sep 27, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
  6. 3) i've just sold my 900SS :frown:
     
    #546 Chris, Sep 27, 2012
  7. my parrot escaped from it's cage and shagged the dog. Puppies are going cheap
     
    #547 JerryXt, Sep 27, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  8. What is the worst thing about being a Man Utd fan?



    London house prices..
     
    #548 scouse mouse, Sep 27, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  9. DIY Joke. Punchline is:
    "Well, Father O’Malley usually gives us a cup of communion wine, two chocolate bars and a cinema ticket”.
    You have to make up your own intro.
     
    #549 Pete1950, Sep 27, 2012
  10. As I sat on the end of the bed the other night, pulling off my boxers, a thought occurred to me: I really do spoil these dogs. :biggrin:
     
    #550 BaggaZee, Sep 28, 2012
    • Like Like x 6
  11. I hate people who stop me and ask for directions.

    I tell them where to go.
     
    #551 Rudolph Hart, Sep 28, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  12. If there was a competition for saggy tits, my mother in law would beat everyone.

    In fact, she'd wipe the floor with them.
     
    #552 Rudolph Hart, Sep 28, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  13. " IT'S A BOY" I shouted " A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY" and with tears streaming down my face i swore i'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!
     
    #553 scouse mouse, Sep 28, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
  14. Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.

    It's my P.S. de resistance.
     
    #554 Rudolph Hart, Sep 29, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  15. #555 470four, Sep 29, 2012
  16. A fight broke out between two men in the pub last night.

    One threw a prawn cocktail at the other - and that was just for starters...
     
    #556 Rudolph Hart, Sep 29, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  17. An 8-year-old choir boy catches the priest masturbating. He asks, “What are you doing, Father?”
    “It’s called masturbating, my son,” the priest replies, “and you’ll be doing this soon.”
    “Why’s that Father ?”
    “Because my wrist is killing me.”
     
    #557 Pete1950, Sep 29, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  18. There are three signs of old age.
    The first is loss of memory. I can’t remember the other two.
     
    #558 Rudolph Hart, Sep 30, 2012
  19. It's a fact:


    • If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
    • Cole’s law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
    • Santa's elves are just subordinate Clauses.
    • Life is sexually transmitted.
    • Nothing's impossible for those who don't have to do it.
    • I used to think I was indecisive; now I'm not sure.
    • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
    • No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
     
    #559 Rudolph Hart, Sep 30, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  20. Farts are the ghosts of things you've eaten.
     
    #560 Phartycr0c, Oct 5, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 28 of 470
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Do Not Sell My Personal Information