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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. I went for a job interview today...

    The interviewer asked me, “What’s your biggest weakness?”

    I said, “Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.”

    The interviewer said, “Could you give me an example?”

    I said, “Yes, I could”.
     
    #5761 El Toro, Sep 30, 2016
    • Like Like x 5
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. The wife reckons sex is better on the beach.

    Not the best postcard I've ever received....
     
    #5762 Rudolph Hart, Sep 30, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  3. We got an odd-job man in. He was useless.

    I gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven
     
    #5763 Rudolph Hart, Sep 30, 2016
    • Like Like x 1
    • Face Palm Face Palm x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  4. I've just broke my finger, on the other hand I'm ok..
     
    #5764 El Toro, Sep 30, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Face Palm Face Palm x 1
  5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
     
    #5765 Rudolph Hart, Sep 30, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 1
  6. I keep telling my wife she's not fat, she's just easier to see.
     
    #5766 Rudolph Hart, Sep 30, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 1
  7. And harder to kidnap.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    #5767 Ash34, Sep 30, 2016
  8. The boss said we should push the envelope at work, but it's still stationery.
     
    #5768 Rudolph Hart, Oct 1, 2016
    • Like Like x 2
    • Funny Funny x 2
  9. Q. What's the difference between a 16 inch pizza and a professional musician?

    A. A 16 inch pizza can feed a family of four.
     
    #5769 Rudolph Hart, Oct 1, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 3
  10. I planning to put on a pantomime this Xmas, based on a classical Greek drama - Oedipuss in Boots.
     
    #5770 Pete1950, Oct 1, 2016
    • Like Like x 3
  11. There are 2 rules for success:

    1. Don't tell all you know.
     
    #5771 Rudolph Hart, Oct 1, 2016
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  12. I told my boss I'd like to see things from his point of view, but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my arse.
     
    #5772 Rudolph Hart, Oct 1, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 1
  13. Jeremy Beadle is at the doctors.

    "What seems to be the problem Jeremy?"

    "Well doctor, I have two problems with my cock...."

    "On the one hand it's really, really big......"
     
    #5773 Bluehawk, Oct 1, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  14. Why did the hedgehog cross the road

    To see his flat mate
     
    #5774 Richard 1200, Oct 2, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  15. If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the refrigerator?
     
    #5775 Rudolph Hart, Oct 2, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  16. My mate's family tree must be a cactus.

    Everybody on it is a prick.
     
    #5776 Rudolph Hart, Oct 2, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  17. Hitler jokes are irrelevant in this modern world, Ann Frankley not funny...
     
    #5777 Exige, Oct 2, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 3
  18. Escalators don't break down, they just turn into stairs.
     
    #5778 Rudolph Hart, Oct 2, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 2
  19. SERIOUS ENQUIRIES ONLY: A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Ryder Cup. They are box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodation. He didn't realise when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding.


    If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Johns Church,Worcester at 2.15pm. Her name is Susan. She will be the one in the white dress. Cheers
     
    #5779 Borgo Panigale, Oct 5, 2016
    • Funny Funny x 4
  20. The local golf club is having a whip-round to buy cigarette lighters for the 2016 European Ryder cup team.

    Apparently they kept losing their matches.
     
    #5780 Rudolph Hart, Oct 5, 2016
    • Like Like x 2
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