Q. How do you spot an inquisitive Irishman? A. He climbs over a glass wall to see what's on the other side.
My mate said an onion is the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut in his face to prove him wrong.
The wife said she dreamt she was walking on a sandy beach last night. Now I understand the footprints in the cat litter this morning.
I've been calling my girlfriend, "Babe," every day since we met six months ago. Should I tell her that I forgot her name ?
A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families. "I have four boys, and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team." "That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team." "That's nothing," says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."
I knew it was time to put new batteries in his hearing aid when Grandad walked into the room with his tackle out, smothered in boot polish. I had told him to turn his clock back.
I've entered my wife in a saggy boob competition.She can't lose. In fact, she'll wipe the floor with em
I read in the paper that it cost over £300 to rig out a policewoman in her uniform. Yet in Ann Summers they do a perfectly good wipe clean one for £35 complete with pink furry handcuffs. Over to you West Yorkshire Police !
I was upstairs the other day and the landline rang. In my rush to answer the phone I fell down the stairs, hit my head on the door and sustained a nasty contusion . When I answered the phone, it was a recorded message saying," have you had an accident recently that wasnt your fault?" these people are feckin' mind readers
I asked the missus today what she wanted for Christmas ? "Just get me something that starts with a D and ends in O" she said, giving me a sexy wink. Does anyone know where I can buy a Didgeridoo?
I've just paid for my wife and her mother to go to Paris for 2 weeks. That's how much I hate the fucking French
ever thought "Wouldn't Grand Prix Racing be more exciting if they had to down a pint after every lap ?" ???
