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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. [​IMG]
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
  2. Q. What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

    A. Outlaws are wanted.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  3. [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 3
    • Funny Funny x 1
  4. The wife complained that I never buy her flowers.

    She never told me she sells them!
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  5. Two old guys were chatting.....

    One said to the other: "My 85th Birthday was yesterday.

    The wife gave me an SUV".

    Other guy responded: "Wow, that's amazing..!!..... Imagine, an SUV..!!..

    What a great gift..!"

    First Guy: "Yep"

    "Socks, underwear and viagra."
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  6. My mate told me that when he was in his teens he fell in love with a one-armed pot holer.

    He still carries a torch for her.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  7. A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance.

    "That is a very smart dog," the man commented.

    "Not really," said one of the irked players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
  8. Marriage: The process by which a man learns what a woman's ideal man is like, and just how far removed he is from that ideal.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  9. I was thinking of trying colonic irrigation, but I heard it takes it out of you.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  10. [​IMG]
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  11. [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 4
    • Funny Funny x 1
  12. My mate got an erection during a routine prostate examination earlier today.

    He tried to laugh it off, but to cut a long story short he no longer works as a GP.
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
  13. IMG_0809.JPG
     
    • Like Like x 3
  14. The wife and I just watched 3 great DVDs back to back.

    Luckily I was the one facing the telly.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  15. time to stop falling drunkenly asleep with your friends...

    [​IMG]
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  16. I'm willing to give it a go...

    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 2
  17. My mate is never ashamed of who he is.

    He says that's his parents' job.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  18. A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

    So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.
    Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.

    He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's
    Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for mobile phones).

    "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?"

    "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons"
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  19. I walked up to a girl in the pub last night and said, "You have really fantastic nipples and an amazing pussy."

    "Oh really?" she laughed, "And how would you know that?"

    "Your boyfriend is outside having a smoke and he left his phone on the table."
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  20. Q. What's the difference between Katie Price and a Cadbury's Crème Egg?

    A. It costs 40p to lick out a Crème Egg.
     
    • WTF WTF x 1
    • Face Palm Face Palm x 1
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