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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. One day, in Biblical world, long after the great flood waters had died down, God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark".

    Noah replies, "No probs God me old Supreme Being, anything you want. After all - you're the guv'... "

    But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, . . I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

    "20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

    "Yep, that's right, well . .. sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers.

    "Fish?", queries Noah "

    Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Koi carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Koi Carp!"

    Noah looks to the skies. "OK... God my old mucker, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"

    "Check".

    "With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".

    "Check".

    "And you want it full of Carp?".

    "Check"

    "Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly getting increasingly worried about either the sanity of God or his own hearing...



    "Dunno", says God....

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".
     
    #601 Rudolph Hart, Oct 18, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  2. I love crap jokes like that! :biggrin:
     
    #602 gliddofglood, Oct 19, 2012


  3. Oh my God!! :biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
     
    #603 470four, Oct 19, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2014
    • Like Like x 4
  4. Brilliantly infantile!
     
    #604 gliddofglood, Oct 19, 2012
  5. Confucius he say "Rich man give wife grand piano, poor man give wife upright organ".
     
    #605 Stressed Hippo, Oct 19, 2012
  6. Noticing a fat couple kissing, my wife said, "Did you ever go out with a fat girl before?"

    "No you were the first" probably wasn't the best response....
     
    #606 Rudolph Hart, Oct 21, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  7. [​IMG]
     
    #607 gliddofglood, Oct 24, 2012
    • Like Like x 5
  8. she was only the undertakers daughter, but anyone cadaver.
     
    #608 funkyrimpler, Oct 24, 2012
  9. Sports Direct have just started selling Jimmy Saville replica tracksuits.

    The tops are Adult size but you have to squeeze into childs bottoms.
     
    #609 the.kickboxer, Oct 25, 2012
  10. "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"

    Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me....
     
    #610 Rudolph Hart, Oct 25, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  11. she was only the Admirals daughter, but her naval was full of discharged seamen.
     
    #611 funkyrimpler, Oct 26, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  12. She was only the clap doctors daughter but she new the men that matted.
     
    #612 the.kickboxer, Oct 26, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  13. she was only the Sergeants daughter, but she knew what regiment.
     
    #613 funkyrimpler, Oct 26, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  14. She was only the fishmonger's daughter.

    But when she saw my rod she reeled.
     
    #614 Rudolph Hart, Oct 26, 2012
  15. She was only the farmer's daughter.

    But she made the milk churn.
     
    #615 Rudolph Hart, Oct 26, 2012
  16. She was only the surrealist painter's daughter.

    But she was hot enough to fry a wristwatch.
     
    #616 Loz, Oct 26, 2012
    • Like Like x 1
  17. She's only a Russian guitar player, Balalaika.
     
    #617 MULTIMENTAL, Oct 26, 2012
    • Like Like x 2
  18. So far in Scrabble my team's losing, despite using 'boobies', 'willy' and 'fannyfart'.

    We'll be having serious words later.
     
    #618 Rudolph Hart, Oct 26, 2012
    • Like Like x 3
  19. Should maybe have used a different font?

    559398_10151287160793638_843709000_n.jpg

    559398_10151287160793638_843709000_n.jpg
     
    #619 Dave, Oct 26, 2012
    • Like Like x 4


  20. Check this shit out! :biggrin:
     
    #620 470four, Oct 26, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2014
    • Like Like x 1
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