The wife complained that I keep telling her how to cook. The conversation got quite heated, so I told her to simmer down.
Q. You are trapped in a room with a lion, a cobra and a government minister. You have a revolver with two bullets, what should you do? A. Shoot the government minister twice...
"Excuse me," I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus today, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket." "It's not semen!" she replied, "It's probably yoghurt." "It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yoghurt."
Q. What's the difference between a wife and a mosquito? A. The mosquito is only annoying during the summer..
I ordered some stuff online earlier and used my donor card instead of my credit card. It cost me an arm and a leg.
A transgender weightlifter has vowed to return after being stripped of 4 titles. She reckons she needs more work on her snatch..
For fuck's sake, one of the Russian acrobats in our human pyramid has been deported on suspicion of spying. Now we don't have Oleg to stand on.
Reminds me when we sold some ducks to a farm down the road a few miles...and they arrived back later!
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog in the road, and a dead mother-in-law in the road? A. Skid marks in front of the dog...
I hate it when parents name their kids after shit they can’t afford. Mercedes Ruby Porche Lecky Gas Phone bill Council tax
