Does anyone want to buy my broken barometer? No pressure. Also i’ve 100’s of dead batteries, No charge.
Nice to see International Women’s Day falling on a Sunday. Gives them a chance to celebrate and make a proper dinner later..
Most of the country is stockpiling toilet rolls and cans of baked beans. My Scouse mate is licking door handles to try to get 2 weeks off work..
I once had a German girlfriend, she used to score me each time we had sex. One night I shoved it up her arse, she shouted, nine, nine, nine, best score I ever got!
My mate said, "We've just stockpiled a load of luxury toilet tissue for the whole family to use.” I replied,"Andrex?" My mate then said, "No, he shits in the park.”
Gatherings of more than 100 people may be banned in an attempt to restrict the spread of Covid-19. Fans of Gary Barlow will be pleased that this will not affect his concerts.
Now we're stuck indoors self isolating me and the wife have been having the occasional chat to help pass the time, last night I found out she's been made redundant from her job at Woolworths.
The blonde secretary at work came back from the shops with 4 dozen sausage rolls, 3 dozen quiches & 3 dozen Scottish eggs. She thought everyone was picnic buying....
President Macron has declared France is at war with Coronavirus: His government has ordered 1,000 white flags...
This covid19 situation is crazy......I've just been to the local supermarket and had to pay £24 for six Oxo cubes! The stock market's gone crazy!
