Patient: "Dr Dr i feel like a dog" Doctor: "How long has this been going on" Patient: "Since i was pup" Doctor: "Take a seat over there" Patient: "I'm not allowed on the furniture"
The police have arrested the World Tongue Twister champion: The courts have said he will be given a tough sentence.
I was chatting to my mate Dave on Zoom yesterday afternoon and he said “My wife, Julie, will be on the plane now” “I didn’t know she was off on holiday” I said “She’s not” said Dave “she’s taking an inch off the bottom of the kitchen door”
My mate's son wants to call their new dog 'Frost'. When I asked why he chose that name, the lad replied, "Because Frost bites!"
I went to this new zoo a while back, when i got there all there was, was a dog in a pen!!!! Wouldn't recommend It was a Shih Tzu
During the last session with the lads in the pub, apparently a joke I told about herbs and fish offended some people... I now realise that there is a thyme and plaice for everything.
My mate says he's taking to having sex with his wife at 8pm on Thursdays: He says it feels like the whole street is cheering them on...
Q. What do staffies and cats have in common? A. Not much judging by the way our dog threw next door's tabby 20ft across the garden this morning.
My mate has started using a new dating app last night, and he received pictures of a cock and an arsehole. He wants to know what he is supposed to do with photos of Dominic Cummings and Boris Johnson??
The worst thing about condoms is when you pull out and see a broken one on the end of your knob when you never had one on to start with
