Derby County have appealed after their FA Cup exit: They're claiming one of the plumbers in the Chorley midfield wasn't Corgi registered...
The wife wants me to forecast how many cans of baked beans she needs to buy to last at least 4 months. I told her, that’s just Heinz sight....
Englishman: “That your dog?” Welshman: “Aye” Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?’ Welshman: "Dog don’t talk.” Englishman: Hey dog, how’s it going?" Dog: “Doing all right.” Welshman: (look of shock) Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman) Dog: “Yep.” Englishman: How’s he treating you?" Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play.” Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!) Englishman: “Mind if I talk to your horse?” Welshman: "Horse don’t talk.” Englishman: “Hey horse how’s it going?” Horse: “Cool.” Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!) Englishman: “Is this your owner?” (Pointing to the Welshman) Horse: “Yep.” Englishman: “How’s he treating you?” Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather.” Welshman: (Look of total amazement!) Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep? Welshman: "That sheep’s a fucking liar!!
Apparently there's a man in the town centre selling Covid vaccinations at £2 a pop. Or 3 for a Pfizer...
Just bumped into a bloke who said he was in a band called The Hinges. I've never heard of them, but apparently they used to support The Doors .
Finally the Genie said to my mate Dave “What is your final wish?” “I wish I were you” said Dave “Weurd but alrught” replied the Genue
My mate said his son was sick all over the house after his 18th last night. Mind you, 18 pints is a lot in one night for a 4-year old.....
BREAKING NEWS: Yesterday a group of visitors were accidentally locked in a storage freezer while visiting the Colgate factory... Tooth company freeze a crowd.......
I accidentally added Matt Hancock as a friend on Facebook. Anyway long story short I've been awarded four PPE contracts.
NASA landed a Rover on Mars after a 293 million mile journey. My mate drove one during the 80s and it barely made it to Tesco...
My mate's 4 year old son has been learning Spanish during lockdown. He still can't say please though, which I think is poor for four...
When I come home after a hard week at work the first thing my wife says is "take off all your clothes". Maybe l shouldn't have taken that job at the sewage works after all.
A colleague from Dijon sent me a text saying, “Fancy a chat?” She might be offering a French pussy....
BREAKING BUSINESS NEWS: Apple have reported that although their profits are down, their turnover is still good.
