Years ago, I invited Freddy Mercury and the band Queen over for a meal.. I did a Czech sausage with salad, rolled up in a flat bread.. Yes.. We had Bohemian wraps for tea.
Apparently, Wayne Rooney has had no problems finding petrol. He's been filling a 19-year old escort for days..
The wife was moaning about the gas bill this morning: "Twenty fecking percent!" She said. "From now on we'll have to use 20 percent less gas." Hopefully, that means she'll burn 20 percent less food...
My mate Dave is in court next week for defacing library books. He apparently tippexed all the full stops out of them... His solicitor reckons he’s looking at a long sentence!
‘Doctor, I keep spontaneously singing songs by The Who’ ‘How long has this been happening?’ ‘Ever since I was a young boy…’
During his time in the army, Bob Marley always polished his boots quietly with no one else about... He was a buff alone soldier.
Went out for curry last.. Ordered a pelican madras .. . Tasted great! .. Though the bill was enormous
The Saudi prince who purchased Newcastle Utd had a journalist who annoyed him murdered, dismembered & removed from the building in cake boxes to cover it up. For the avoidance of doubt Your Highness, Boris Johnson is a journalist...
My mate Dave went to see his doctor yesterday about a very personal matter. "Doctor” said Dave “I can't seem to give my wife, Julie, an orgasm." “Has she tell you what she likes?" said the doctor "Yes." said Dave "And what does she like?" "Other men!"
I've just read an article that said if you take your bike to work it's so much better for the environment… So this morning that's what I'm going to do. After all I don't use the roof-rack for anything else!
My mate Jack says he's written an account of his conversations with some of his vegetables: Jack and the beans talk...
I sold all my Adele CD's on eBay last month but still haven't received any money. What should I do? Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing payments?
I bought a vinyl album called “Wasp Noises”, but when I played the first track it didn’t sound like a wasp and the second track didn’t sound like a wasp either... Then I realised I was playing the B side...
