My mate Dave went to the doctors this afternoon. The Doctor said “Dave, do you want the good news or the bad news?” “Give me the good news first, Doc” said Dave “Well” said the Doctor “We’re naming a disease after you”
'I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here' guest names released. Followed by a Google meltdown as people look up their names.
As the burglar entered the darkened room I put the red dot right between his eyes.. Then let the cat do the rest.
Just reading that there's a small island off the coast of Italy which is inhabited by 5 million Sicilian people… Wow……That's the biggest number I've ever heard!
Q. What's the difference between Travis Scott and Manchester Crown Court? A. Manchester Crown Court will be trying Giggs next year.
My mate Dave met a nurse in the pub the other night, and at the end of the night they went back to his place for a nightcap. As they started to get amorous he started to strip off and he said to her, "I bet you must have seen a few dicks in your time where you work. How do you rate mine?" She said, "It's slightly bigger than most I see." "Thanks," said Dave. "What sort of nursing do you do?" "I'm a midwife" she replied
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." The old woman replied, "You put in my husband's teeth last week, now you have to remove them."
My mate Dave, for as long as I’ve known him, has always wasted his money on buying stupid things. Yesterday his wife , Julie, finally walked out on him after he spent their life savings on getting a penis extension. She said she couldn’t take it any longer.
My mate received an e-mail offering 4 suits for £1, so he sent a quid. He's just received a deck of cards..
I knew that fortune teller was a fraud when she asked me, "Are you coming to tomorrow evening's psychic reading?"
