I found out that you can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed very easily: It appears that simply forgetting your wife's birthday does the trick...
BREAKING: The English Cricket team have officially beaten the Wuhan street markets with the worst use of a bat in recorded history!
Back in the day, I didn't know that 'Oral B' was a toothbrush. I thought she was the sluttier member of The Spice Girls.
Apparently, the clitoris and the penis are made of the same erectile tissue, meaning the clitoris can sometimes be as long as 6 cm. That's according to my new Thai girlfriend, whose clitoris is fucking massive!
My giraffe costume only got me second place in a recent fancy dress contest... I may not have won, but I can still hold my head high!
Our local vicar has 3 dogs called: Lucifer, Beelzebub & Satan. He takes them running with him every day, to 'exercise his demons'....
I caught the wife masturbating during a Rowan Atkinson movie last night……..... She loves a good Bean flick!
My wife asked if I had ever pissed in the shower. I said, "Of course. A couple of times but accidentally." She called me disgusting and asked what I meant by 'accidentally'. I replied, "Well these things tend to happen when I'm having a shit!"
The irony of Prince Andrew's Pizza Express alibi as the Ghislaine Maxwell conviction could now start a Domino's effect...
My mate texted me to say his fat wife is stuck in the MRI scanner at our local hospital. Doctors don't think she'll pull through..
Just finished converting my car to electric, swapped the engine for the motor from a tumble dryer. It wouldn't start at first, then I realised I hadn't shut the door properly.
I'm converting my car to electric by replacing the petrol engine with a washing machine motor. I'll take it out for a spin later....
My New Year resolution for 2022 is to get inside a big tyre and roll down a hill every day... It's going to be a Goodyear!
Newsflash: Prince Andrew has rediscovered his missing sweat glands, and certainly knows he has an anal sphincter today. After the Ghislaine Maxwell trial, he's now sweating buckets & shitting himself!
