My mate reckons his home PC is like his sex life: He says his zip is often down, his floppy keeps poking out, and he feels he needs more bytes on it..
The World Health Organisation announced yesterday that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
The Home Secretary is considering permanent markings on the genitals of male sex offenders. But I'm not in favour of government diktats..
Once I hit my 40s I bought a red sports car and started hanging around maternity wards offering to help deliver babies. I was having a midwife crisis...
My next door neighbour doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to do it himself.. He said .'How hard can it be? ' ...I think he's in for a shock..
I find as I get older I only need 3 shops in my life, Specsavers, Boots and Greggs. My life is all specs and drugs and sausage rolls.
Bono has created his own dessert: He mixes a shot of vodka into tomato juice, adds a dash of Worcestershire Sauce and pours it over some ice cream in a tall glass. He calls it a Sundae, Bloody Sundae.
I fell asleep on the sofa yesterday and when I woke up someone had put a teabag in my mouth. I wasn't happy. I hate being taken for a mug...
The man who invented the wordsearch has died… His funeral will be held next: T T I S P V G K M P H J G U O N Q U X N M O N D A Y W Z B A T K T E N O P G H C V N K O T D I M
I'm really disgusted with myself. I was on the verge of winning the 'World's Most Congested Nose' competition… And then I blew it!
My mate said he just watched his wife trip & fall with a pile of clothes she had just ironed. Apparently, he watched it all unfold..
I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
