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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. Once I got banned from a Zoo for making a parrot laugh! ...

    ....talk about polly tickle correctness gone mad..
     
    #9321 El Toro, Mar 25, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. Q. What do women & boxes of cereals have in common?

    A. To open slide finger under flap....
     
    #9322 Rudolph Hart, Mar 25, 2022
    • Like Like x 1
    • Funny Funny x 1
  3. I was always against organ transplants but then I had a change of heart!
     
    #9323 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
    • Like Like x 1
  4. BREAKING NEWS

    Police have found a piece of luggage on a desert island… They say it's an isolated case!
     
    #9324 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Whilst out golfing yesterday my friend Dave showed me his new high-tech golf ball.

    "It's amazing” he said “you can't lose it. It floats, it has a GPS tracker and glows in the dark."

    "Wow, " I said. "Where did you get it from?"

    "I found it!" replied Dave
     
    #9325 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 1
  6. Dear Deidre. Please help me. My sexy 20 year old neighbour was sunbathing the other day. I took the chance to peek out of our bathroom window and have a cheeky wank. As I finished I turned around and my wife was standing there arms folded watching me. Is my wife a pervert?
     
    #9326 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 2
  7. I love watching videos of lakes and rivers on the internet. Anything water related really... I'm actually watching a live stream right now!
     
    #9327 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 1
  8. I looked out of the window and my dad was slumped over the lawnmower crying his eyes out.

    I asked my mum, "What's up with him?"

    She said, "He's just going through a rough patch!"
     
    #9328 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. I'm in a band called Dyslexia… We've just released our Greatest Shit album!
     
    #9329 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
  10. I once got so drunk I fixed a dartboard to the ceiling... Spent the rest of the night throwing up!
     
    #9330 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
  11. "I'm sick of you teasing me about my weight," my wife snapped as she walked out the door.

    "Please babe, don't go," I pleaded. "Think of our baby!"

    "What baby?" she said.

    "You're not pregnant?"
     
    #9331 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
  12. My mate has just proposed to a scouse slapper:

    He says she's ugly, covered in cheap tattoos, can't cook & swears like a trooper...

    But she can siphon the petrol from his neighbour's cars in under 15 minutes!
     
    #9332 Rudolph Hart, Mar 26, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 1
  13. I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on just watching her eating a banana...

    Now after ten years of marriage, I only get aroused if she starts choking on it!
     
    #9333 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
  14. My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger...

    It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles, that I realised she wanted to rent out her spare room!
     
    #9334 El Toro, Mar 26, 2022
  15. During breakfast, my wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.

    I nearly choked on my #brown.
     
    #9335 Rudolph Hart, Mar 26, 2022
    • Funny Funny x 1
  16. I hate it when the clocks go forward an hour.

    It means for a week afterwards I get my usual wake-up erection when I'm on the bus to work!
     
    #9336 El Toro, Mar 27, 2022
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Samuel L Jackson has finally passed his driving test and will now just be known as Samuel Jackson!
     
    #9337 El Toro, Mar 27, 2022
  18. Another Russian general has been killed.

    Putin's war is costing an army and an Oleg..
     
    #9338 Rudolph Hart, Mar 27, 2022
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  19. My builder is such a nice man.

    I forgot to pay him and he still offered to come over and put my windows in
     
    #9339 El Toro, Mar 27, 2022
  20. The UK budget for the armed forces is currently £3.1 billion.

    That'll be half a dozen petrol bombs then....
     
    #9340 Rudolph Hart, Mar 27, 2022
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