BREAKING NEWS A lorry load of Brillo pads was stolen last night… Police are currently scouring the area!
@El Toro, Terry, you really need to reinstate the face palm emoji ….. if for nothing else, just this “joke” Andy
Just got my loose coat hangers out of a storage box. Why is it that they all hook into each other? Perhaps I need to go on a hanger management course!
My mate Dave’s wife, Julie, has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought. Apparently it’s an extremely rare dish order.
Don't usually play these games but I'm bored, Just fill in the blanks and tag me in Bank acc number: Card number: Name on card: Expiry date: CCV: Thanks.
My mate Dave recently tested positive for the coronavirus. He’s fine now though. But it's all relative isn't it? If he’d had rabies and you offered him the coronavirus instead, he’d have bitten your hand off.
Me and my mate Dave went camping with a bunch of friends for a lad's weekend. One night Dave decided he needed to pee before bed so he crawled out of our tent to go in the bushes close by. Two minutes later he crawled back in to the tent all wet. I turned to Dave and said "Is it raining outside?". "No" said Dave "It's windy!"
I was watching Saturday Morning Kitchen on TV and all the guests were going on and on about how much time they spend in the kitchen and how good they are at cooking. They don't impress me. Anybody can boil a piece of toast FFS.
BREAKING: A lorry carrying a cargo of marker pens crashed on the M1 this morning... A police spokesperson said that the vehicle is a permanent write off...
These days, everyone seems to think that our smartphones are spying on us . I've got news for you.. Our vacuum cleaners have been gathering dirt on us for years.. .
"It's National Anal Day today." I said to my wife. "Oh, for god's sake." She replied, "Do you honestly think I'm that naive?" "No..." I said, "But Debbie next door was."
The man who invented Tupperware has sadly passed away… The funeral was delayed by an hour because they couldn't find the correct sized lid for his coffin!
I managed to avoid about fifty April fools jokes yesterday morning… I've lost my job as an emergency service operator as a result though!
I said to my wife this morning "Tell me the truth………why exactly did you agree to marry me?" "Because of your sense of humour" she said. "And for all these years, I thought it was because I was good in bed" I said "See what I mean".......
Talk about rip off Britain.. My annual fuel bill estimate is almost the equivalent of my local MP's pay rise.
