Joke Page

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their
situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father."

"In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."

"I agree."

"Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"

"Anything father."

"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."

"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."

The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

"Sister would you mind if I touched them?"

She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

"Father, could I ask something of you?"

"Yes sister?"

"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"

"I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.

"Oh father, may I touch it?"

This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."

"Is that true father?"

"Yes it is, sister."

"Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get the hell out of here."

 

An 80-year-old says to the doctor, "I've never felt better! Life is great and I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was ina bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 80-yearold said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

 

A man in a cinema notices what looks like a monkey sitting next to him.

"Are you a monkey?" asked the man, surprised.

"Yes."

"What are you doing at the cinema?"

The monkey replied, "Well, I liked the book."

 

A zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's The Origin of Species.

In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"

"Well," said the orangutang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."

 

A monkey walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"I can't serve you", says the barman, "You're out of your tree."

 

Q: What is Alimony?

A: The screwing you get for the screwing you got!

 

Q: What should you do if you see your mother in law rolling around in pain on the ground?

A: Shoot her again!