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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. If you write them yourself, carry on as long as you like. The more the better. But if you are only going to copy and paste stuff unedited from elsewhere, maybe it's enough to post the link. Just my opinion.
     
    #1181 Pete1950, Feb 14, 2013
  2. Yep, a little balance wouldn't go amiss, I liked them initially but just couldn't be arsed to read them all after a while.

    I have the attention span of a gnat...
     
    #1182 Greyman, Feb 14, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  3. If The Bible had been written by university students, the Last Supper would have been eaten cold the next morning.
    Instead of creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, God would have put it off until the day before it was due & would have then pulled an all-nighter.
     
    #1183 Rudolph Hart, Feb 14, 2013
  4. I went to a book binding class last night.

    The teacher said, "Come in & make yourself a tome."
     
    #1184 Rudolph Hart, Feb 14, 2013
  5. Q. What do you get when David Cameron promises to tell the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth?


    A. Three different answers.
     
    #1185 Rudolph Hart, Feb 14, 2013
    • Like Like x 3
  6. I sent you a PM as a courtesy. But seeing as you want it out in the open, print the whole email rather than part of it that suits you.

    So here it is:-
    Hello, don't take this the wrong way, just constructive criticism. But there is far too much reading and to be honest people won't bother.

    A little and often works better than all at once.

    Welcome to the site. [​IMG]

    Phil

    So I didn't ask you to stop just make it shorter so folk will read them.

    Over to you now, even tho' this isn't the forum for this kind of goings on.
     
    #1186 Ghost, Feb 14, 2013
  7. Q. What's hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with a 'c', ands with a 't' and has a 'u' and an 'n' in the middle?


    A. A coconut.
     
    #1187 Rudolph Hart, Feb 14, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  8. It valentines day
    i feel like singing
    I want to get laid
    but you're ******* minging
     
    #1188 paulfastbikes, Feb 14, 2013
  9. Just got my valentines card off moonpig....


    She fecking hates it when I call her that
     
    #1189 El Toro, Feb 15, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  10. The only good thing space has done for us is give us good chocolate bar names.
     
    #1190 El Toro, Feb 15, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  11. I didn't know what to get my 9 year old Scouse nephew for his birthday,


    So I put 20 quid in his Nan's purse
     
    #1191 El Toro, Feb 15, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  12. Roses are red,


    Apples are fruity,


    Check your lasagna,


    it might be Black Beauty
     
    #1192 El Toro, Feb 15, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  13. For those of you waiting for the singles version of valentines day, it's called palm sunday
     
    #1193 El Toro, Feb 15, 2013
  14. News flash

    Traces of Zebra found in Tesco barcodes....
     
    #1194 Rudolph Hart, Feb 15, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  15. The wife's Just been to Tesco and bought a bottle of Bacardi, a bottle of Lamb’s and some burgers.

    So that’s white rum, navy rum and Red Rum.
     
    #1195 Rudolph Hart, Feb 15, 2013
  16. Q. Why is television called a medium?

    A. Because it is neither rare nor well done.
     
    #1196 Rudolph Hart, Feb 15, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Michael Gove & Sarah Vine are a fastidious couple.

    She's fast and he's hideous.
     
    #1197 Rudolph Hart, Feb 15, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  18. i like to sit on my missus for half an hour before sex , that way it feels like im shagging someone else.
     
    #1198 El Toro, Feb 15, 2013
  19. I see what Pistorius is doing. He is going to jail for 25 year and when he gets released...Bang! President of South Africa. That's how it works over there, right?
     
    #1199 El Toro, Feb 15, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  20. It amazes me how my wife's hearing abilities can change in an instant.

    When I ask for sex for instance, she can't hear a thing. But try to sneak out a fart ten seconds later and all hell breaks out.
     
    #1200 El Toro, Feb 16, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
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