I was at my mum's karaoke birthday party last night. They played "Jump" so we Jumped, Then they played "The twist" so we twisted, Then they played "Cum on Eileen" I was asked to leave shortly after that.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am, can you fucking believe that, 2:30am. Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Fearne Cotton has given birth to a baby boy, 'Rex Rayne'. Who the fuck suggested that name, Scooby Doo?
[TABLE="class: forumline borderline"] [TR="class: wysiwyg_cms_table tr-first tr-odd"] [TD="class: row1 comment-content tr"] [TABLE="width: 100%"] [TR] [TD="colspan: 2"] [TABLE="width: 100%"] [TR] [TD="width: 100%"]ARE YOU INSURED FOR SEX? Make sure you get the Correct Insurance for the sex you are having. Please find a list of companies below catering for most tastes: Sex with your wife - Legal & General. > > Sex on the telephone - Direct Line. > > Sex with your Partner - Standard Life. > > Sex with someone Different - Go Compare. > > Sex with a Fat bird - More Than. > > Sex On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels. > > Sex with a posh bird - Privileged. > > Sex with an OAP - Saga ! > > Sex with a transvestite -confused.com [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="width: 100%"] [TABLE="width: 100%"] [TR] [TD="width: 100%"][/TD] [TD][/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] [/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] [/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] [/TD] [/TR] [TR="class: wysiwyg_cms_table tr-last tr-even"] [TD="class: td-first row2 comment-meta tr, width: 200"][/TD] [TD="class: row2 comment-content tr"] [TABLE="width: 100%"] [TR] [TD][/TD] [TD] [/TD] [/TR] [TR] [TD="colspan: 2"] [/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] [/TD] [/TR] [TR="class: tr-first"] [TH="class: row3text, colspan: 2"][/TH] [/TR] [/TABLE] [TABLE="class: forumline table"] [TR="class: wysiwyg_cms_table tr-first tr-last"] [TH="class: th-first th-last tr, colspan: 2"][/TH] [/TR] [TR="class: wysiwyg_cms_table tr-first tr-last"] [TD="class: row1 td-first td-last tr, align: center"][/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE]
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.
A Stage hypnotist did a gig at the Old Folks Home. He opened by hypnotising a couple of volunteers. Then he said he'll to hypnotise everyone in the hall. He pulled out a silver pocket watch on a long chain and started to swing it slowly side to side. "Watch the watch" he intoned. After a couple of minutes he had them under his spell. He said a last "Watch the watch" when the chain of the watch broke, and he tried to catch the watch but it smashed to the floor. "Shit" he cried. It took three days to clean the place up.
The mother in law has thrown out all her expensive shower gel and has switched to washing up liquid. Apparently the label on the bottle says, "Dissolves fat that is otherwise impossible to remove."
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
Fears of an expected surge of millions of Romanians into the UK have abated as we have eaten all of their transport
Oscar Pistorius has been granted bail on the account he surrenders his arms. There will be fuck all left of him to put on trial at this rate.
As we lay in bed, my wife sneered "just so you know, bigger is always better." "Not true" I said. "Really?" she laughed, "why not?" I said, "the last girl I fucked was loads better than you, and she was half your size."
Any couples on here considering IVF? If so I'm selling one of my eggs! (FYI it's been fertilized, is six years old and he is called Dave)
