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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. What is Oscar short for?


    He's got no legs.
     
    #1301 El Toro, Feb 22, 2013
  2. "Do you take American Express?" I asked the guy in the magic shop.


    "I already have done." he said, handing me back my card.
     
    #1302 El Toro, Feb 22, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  3. When my mate divorced, he & his ex-wife shared the house 50-50.


    She got the inside & he got the outside.
     
    #1303 Rudolph Hart, Feb 23, 2013
  4. When a husband's words are sharp, it may be from trying to get them in edgeways.
     
    #1304 Rudolph Hart, Feb 23, 2013
  5. Q. How do most men define marriage?


    A. A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
     
    #1305 Rudolph Hart, Feb 23, 2013
  6. walked into a pet shop and asked for a wasp.

    we dont sell wasps was the reply.

    well you have them in the window??????
     
    #1306 idrinkbeer, Feb 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 3
  7. I know a transvestite who lives near Liverpool


    He has a Wigan Address
     
    #1307 Char, Feb 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 3
  8. Reports are emerging from The Vatican that Oscar Pistorius's lawyer is to be canonised after he made a crippled man walk.
     
    #1308 Rudolph Hart, Feb 23, 2013
  9. A copper pulls up alongside a 13 year old girl spewing and spitting in Coronation Street.
    "Have you been drinking young lady?" he asks.
    "Yes, I've just had a pint of Webster's!"
     
    #1309 Rudolph Hart, Feb 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  10. How many choir boys does it take to change a pope..?
     
    #1310 El Toro, Feb 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  11. I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket.............he said.........


    "How far do you think I can kick this bucket".
     
    #1311 El Toro, Feb 23, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  12. A. Two men on a motorbike, which one is gay?



    B. The one with the brown helmet.
     
    #1312 Rudolph Hart, Feb 24, 2013
  13. If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhoea, does that mean 1 in 5 people enjoy it?
     
    #1313 Rudolph Hart, Feb 24, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  14. My son told me today that he was gay. I was so relieved.

    I thought he was going to tell me he wanted to be a priest or some perverted shit like that.
     
    #1314 El Toro, Feb 24, 2013
  15. "Anything you can do I can do better"

    Sang Oscar Pistorious to his brother Carl
     
    #1315 El Toro, Feb 24, 2013
  16. The five ages of man:

    1. Lager
    2. Aga
    3. Saga
    4. Viagra
    5. Gaga
     
    #1316 El Toro, Feb 24, 2013
  17. I've put up a poster of Oscar Pistorius in our bathroom.


    It's stopped my wife complaining about me leaving the toilet seat up.
     
    #1317 El Toro, Feb 24, 2013
  18. On hearing the news Katie Price is pregnant again Frankie Boyle has sent her a thank you letter and started planning a new tour.
     
    #1318 El Toro, Feb 24, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  19. Next time a woman tells you that you're lazy, remind her that she has to sit down to have a piss.
     
    #1319 El Toro, Feb 24, 2013
  20. I met up with this woman from the Internet, after about 5 minutes I said:


    "I couldn't believe my luck when I saw your profile, we share the same hobby."


    "It was a typo" she said, "I'm really into walking, please pull your trousers up."
     
    #1320 El Toro, Feb 24, 2013
    • Like Like x 4
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