"Do you take American Express?" I asked the guy in the magic shop. "I already have done." he said, handing me back my card.
When my mate divorced, he & his ex-wife shared the house 50-50. She got the inside & he got the outside.
walked into a pet shop and asked for a wasp. we dont sell wasps was the reply. well you have them in the window??????
Reports are emerging from The Vatican that Oscar Pistorius's lawyer is to be canonised after he made a crippled man walk.
A copper pulls up alongside a 13 year old girl spewing and spitting in Coronation Street. "Have you been drinking young lady?" he asks. "Yes, I've just had a pint of Webster's!"
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket.............he said......... "How far do you think I can kick this bucket".
My son told me today that he was gay. I was so relieved. I thought he was going to tell me he wanted to be a priest or some perverted shit like that.
I've put up a poster of Oscar Pistorius in our bathroom. It's stopped my wife complaining about me leaving the toilet seat up.
On hearing the news Katie Price is pregnant again Frankie Boyle has sent her a thank you letter and started planning a new tour.
I met up with this woman from the Internet, after about 5 minutes I said: "I couldn't believe my luck when I saw your profile, we share the same hobby." "It was a typo" she said, "I'm really into walking, please pull your trousers up."
