Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk . The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck! In desperation, and just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground so the cat can't get it. He got an A.
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. ~ David Letterman
Have you heard about the gay bloke who put a nicotine patch on his penis? He's down to three butts a day.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat?
My daughter was messing around in the kitchen when I was trying to make a stir-fry and ended up dropping her 'One Direction' CD into the wok. There was a big flash in the pan.
Did you hear about the dyslexic who tried to commit suicide? He threw himself behind an oncoming train.
My wife said she is leaving me because she's sick and tired of my over-active imagination... Joke's on her, she doesn't even exist.
Did you hear about the diner that promotes safe sex? They write the bill on a condom. That way you can wine and dine your date, and stick her with the bill.
As Good Friday is getting ever closer, I think it's time for us to remember that poor long haired man who died on the end of the cross. Happy Easter Andy Carroll.
Told the wife I was gonna build a car out of spaghettti. She said, "Don't be so damned stupid and grow up!" You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
Katie Price claims to have only had 10 lovers in her lifetime. Personally I think she's just ran out of fingers to count them with
It costs me a small fortune getting my wife's nails done regularly, but I don't mind. It's reassuring to know that her coffin is securely sealed.
"You remind me of my wife," I said to my private lap dancer. "I'll take that as a compliment," she giggled, "is she pretty?" "No it's just I also give her shit loads of money and I don't get any sex."
The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer which means the average human gets 41 miles to the gallon. Not bad.....
