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Joke Page

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Rudolph Hart, Mar 19, 2012.

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  1. My mate's wife caught him with his willy in the biscuit tin.


    She's divorcing him on the grounds that he's f*cking crackers.
     
    #1361 Rudolph Hart, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  2. Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?
    A: Megasoreass.
     
    #1362 funkyrimpler, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 3
  3. Dave and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time.

    Julie: "I should warn you, Ted -- I've got acute angina."

    Dave: "Your tits aren't bad either."
     
    #1363 funkyrimpler, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  4. A guy goes to the psychiatrist only wearing shorts made of cling film.

    The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
     
    #1364 funkyrimpler, Feb 25, 2013
  5. Q: What do you get when you cross a stripper with a model?

    A: A boner.
     
    #1365 funkyrimpler, Feb 25, 2013
  6. Q: Why did the perv go to Ann Summers?

    A: The panties were half off.
     
    #1366 funkyrimpler, Feb 25, 2013
  7. Q: What do you call a 30 stone woman with a yeast infection?

    A: A whopper with cheese.
     
    #1367 funkyrimpler, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  8. I couldn't get into a club because I forgot my tie,so I wore my jump leads instead.
    They let me in ok,but told me not to start anything....
     
    #1368 Lightning_650, Feb 25, 2013
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 4
  9. My mate just said, "What's your favourite mythical creature?"

    I said, "Those happy women in Tampax adverts."
     
    #1369 Rudolph Hart, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  10. “Well, Paddy,” said the doctor. “I can’t quite diagnose your case. I think it must be the drink.”

    “Sure, that’s all right, doctor,” said Paddy. “I know how you feel. I’ll come back when you’re sober.”
     
    #1370 Rudolph Hart, Feb 25, 2013
  11. There's no need for women to behave the way they do on their period.







    It's an ovary action.
     
    #1371 Rudolph Hart, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  12. How does every ethnic joke start?
    By looking over your shoulder...
     
    #1372 funkyrimpler, Feb 25, 2013
  13. After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft.
     
    #1373 funkyrimpler, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  14. A young man gets sent to jail, and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk.
    "Let's play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy."
    "Then come up here and suck Mommy's dick."
     
    #1374 funkyrimpler, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  15. Someone has stolen the mother in law's knickers from her washing line.


    The good news is we found the 24 clothes pegs she used to hang them up.....
     
    #1375 Rudolph Hart, Feb 25, 2013
  16. I was chatting to a fat lass in the pub, when I said " I can tell that you really like your grub."


    " Don't be silly," She replied. " It doesn't have to be mine."
     
    #1376 El Toro, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  17. Apparently people are opposing the new grand theft auto games due to the fact they think it's violence and pornographic nature will encourage kids to act similarly.


    That's ridiculous, I've played Tiger Woods golf, but I've never gone and blacked up and won the US Open.
     
    #1377 El Toro, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  18. My wife says she's leaving me because the spontaneity has gone from our relationship.


    Why she had to tell me during our Monday evening shag is beyond me.
     
    #1378 El Toro, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  19. Bill moaned as the warder led him into the cell, as reclining on the bunk was a 17stone geezer in a frock."Well" said the warder"you wanted a room with a TV"
     
    #1379 keith916, Feb 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 2
  20. My mum once said to me "Why dont you grow up stupid".I said"I did grow up stupid"
     
    #1380 keith916, Feb 25, 2013
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