Paddy & his wife were in bed & couldn't sleep because of next door's dog barking in their garden. After a while Paddy could take no more & stormed downstairs. He returned about 10 minutes later & his wife asked, "What did you do Paddy?" Paddy replied, "I've put the dog in our garden, let's see how they like it."
An old lady on our street talked herself out of a speeding ticket earlier this week. She told the Police Officer she had to get to her destination before she forgot where she was going...
There has been a new addition to the Kama Sutra. It's called 'The Gas Board Position': You stay in all day and nobody comes.
My wife came into the room crying. "Just found out your having ANOTHER affair. Why do you keep doing this ? Do you not love me anymore ? " "I'll show her" I thought so I popped out to the shops and bought her a mirror.
I am please to announce that I have now got over my obsession with the Hokey Cokey........... I have turned myself around, and that's what it's all about.
My wife and I were looking round Curry's when she said "Come on, help me choose a new dishwasher." I looked around and said " OK, how about that one over there with the big tits."
I like the Ten Commandments but I have a problem with the ninth. It should be, 'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ox, except in Scrabble'.
The boss says our office is going paperless next week. Should be interesting when somebody goes for a dump.....
im not saying ive got a huge schlong, but when i was a kid i wasnt circumcised, i was circumnavigated..
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
Prince Charles has no hope of finding out how his mother is. Whenever he rings up the Hospital now they just hang up on him.
Last night I pulled some Essex slag and took her back to my place. After going down on her, I looked up and said "Your vajazzle is coming off, I've swallowed half of it." "But I don't have a vajazzle." she replied
I got pulled over by the police yesterday. "Do you know why I've stopped you sir?" I said "Listen mate I already pay your wage, I'm not doing your fuckin' job for you as well."
First Prince Phillip has a bladder infection. And now the Queen is in hospital with a tummy bug. Which proves one thing - she swallows.
