Did you hear about the dyslexic devil-worshipper ? He sold his soul to Santa !Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp ?He bought a warehouse !
Have you heard about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He laid awake at night wondering if there really was a dog!
Have you heard about a dyslexic gynaecologist? He thought a hymen was a religious song sang in church!
Have you heard about the newly wed dyslexic couple who were killed tragically on their honeymoon? They broke their necks trying to do a 96!
A yorkshireman took his cat to the vet's & said to the vet, "Will you have a look at my cat?" The vet replied, "Is it a tom?" The yorkshireman said, "No, it's in t'basket."
I was just about to text a donation to Comic Relief, when Lenny Henry pointed out that, "There are now over half a billion mobile phones in Africa". So fuck it, let them text!
So I said to this bloke down the pub, "want a game of darts?" "Ok" he said "nearest the bull to start" he said "Baa", I said, "Moo" "your closest off you go" he said
The other week I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and said "did you get my drift?"
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a small fire to keep warm the craft caught light and sank, proving once and for all you cant have your kayak and heat it!
A tramp knocked at my door last night asking if i had any "aromatic spices" to put in his cooking pot............Fuckin' beggar's bayleaf doesnt it ?
I said to my mate, "How did your night out go?" He said, "I was smashed. Last thing I remember was talking to a bird at the bar. Then I woke up next to a fucking fat, ugly lump this morning." I said, "At least you made it home."
"Police urge traders to be vigilant after thefts" I've just read on the Gwent constabulary website. Typical thick coppers; why don't they urge them to be vigilant before thefts?
When I asked my girlfriend if I could fuck her in the arse, she looked at me with a wicked glint in her eye and said, "Baby, I'm happy to try anything you want me to, just so long as you'd be prepared to do it yourself... So, do you still want to fuck me in the arse?" "Actually, I've changed my mind," I replied. "I want you to have sex with your sister."
I was stopped in the street by a tramp who said, "I haven't had food for so many days, I've forgotten what it tastes like." I replied reassuringly, "It's ok mate, it still tastes the same."
Apparently the gay porn star Arpad Miklos died much in the same way as Ayrton Senna. With skid marks on his helmet....
The Mars Corporation has announced the closure of the Pedigree Chum factory. Apparently it has gone into retrievership.
