Frosty the snowman just came round to our place. He's divorcing his wife because he thinks she's a flake.
The wife's just seen a group of rabbits hopping backwards in a row across the fields. She thought she'd spotted a receding hare line.
Sebastian Vettel has told reporters that he has spoken to Mark Webber about what happened in the race and they are now on friendly terms. "In fact", said Vettel "After the next race in Shanghai we will be having a drink together to show there are no hard feelings". Surprised at this the reporters asked Mark Webber if this was true. He replied "What I actually said was 'When we get to Shanghai I will take you out the first chance I get'".
After The Verve split up, Richard Ashcroft tried interior design. He did a great job on my house, but I wasn't really happy with the floor coverings. "I'm sorry, mate," I said, "but the rugs don't work."
Need to get fit, so been to the gym have I. Personal trainer talking to I was. Suggested taking up Yoda he did.
Q: How is Ducktape like the Force? A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.
As we watched 'Jurassic Cock', my wife commented, "I wish you were hung like Ron Jeremy." I replied, "Seeing as I'm stuck fucking you for the rest of my life, I wish I was hung like Michael Hutchence."
HEADLINE :It was reveled today that David Cameron is To Tell Immigrants "No Job, No Benefits" But in What language!?.
I was digging a hole when my mate approached. "What are you doing?" he asked. I said, "I'm digging a hole to bury my dog." "Well," he persisted. "What are the other three holes for?" I said, "They were going to be to bury my dog in, but they weren't big enough."
As an aside my family were good friends with the Rea's when I was growing up. His twin brothers were my best friends. :smile:
After his car crash of a TV interview yesterday, Boris Johnson is so muddled he is now kissing hands & shaking babies. Not to mention shitting talk & bollocking spouts.
I went to my local fish n chip shop today and it said on the door they were open. As I entered and turned to close the door behind me I noticed that they were in fact closed, so I left.
Me and my wife are getting a divorce. She's always accusing me of cheating on her, and a relationship just can't work without trust. It also can't work without blow jobs, which is why I was cheating on her.
I sat on my hand for fifteen minutes earlier, before hoovering the living room. Just so it felt like the wife was doing it...
