There's this inflatable boy that goes to an inflatable school and, while there, finds himself having a really bad day. Bored with the lesson, he gets up and walks out of the inflatable classroom but, while walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster approaching him. The inflatable boy pulls out a pin and punctures the inflatable headmaster before running out of the inflatable school gates. Just as he gets past the gates, he thinks again, "I hate school", and once more pulls out his pin and pokes it into the inflatable school. He then runs as fast as his inflatable legs allow, all the way home and races into his inflatable bedroom. A couple of hours later, his inflatable mother is knocking at his bedroom door and with her are the inflatable Police. Panicking, our inflatable boy yet again pulls out the pin and jabs it into himself. Later on that evening, he wakes up in an inflatable hospital and, in the bed next to him, he sees the inflatable headmaster. Shaking his deflated head - more in sorrow than in anger - the Headmaster gravely says: "You've let me down; you've let the school down, but worst of all, you've let yourself down."
In the days of yore, a knight was on his way to do something terribly important, riding his horse into the ground to get to his destination as fast as possible. After being ridden too hard for too long, his horse became lame, and seeing a small town ahead he headed straight for the stables there. "I must have a horse!" he cried "The life of the King depends upon it!" The stablekeeper shook his head. "I have no horses," he said. "They have all been taken in the service of your King." "You must have something - a pony, a donkey, a mule, anything at all?" the knight asked. "Nothing..... unless.... no, I couldn't" The knight's eyes lit up. "Tell me!" The stablekeeper leads the knight into the stable. Inside is a dog, but no ordinary dog. This dog is enormous, almost as large as the horse the knight was riding. But it is also the filthiest, shaggiest, smelliest, mangiest dog that the knight has ever seen. Swallowing, the knight said "I'll take it. Where is the saddle?" The stablekeeper walked over to a saddle near the dog and started gasping for breath, holding the walls to keep himself upright. "I can't do it." he told the knight. "You must give me the dog!" cried the knight. "Why can't you?" The stablekeeper said "I just couldn't send a knight out on a dog like this."
A chess competition was being held in a hotel and various contestants were in the open-air lobby discussing their victories of the day. Af ter about an hour of this, manager of the hotel came into the lobby and asked them all to leave. "But why?" they cried. "Because," the manager explained, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
For years and years, a doctor had been having a drink after work at the same bar. Every time he walked in the door, the barman would mix his favourite drink, a hazelnut daiquiri. One day, the bartender didn't have any hazelnuts in the bar. Wondering what to do, he spied some hickory nuts and tried to make the drink from them instead.T he doctor came in at his regular time, took a sip of the drink and exclaimed "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No," said the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."
Apparently every time I smoke a cigarette in the house my three-year-old son also smokes one. The crafty little fucker.
Police investigating the Jimmy Savile scandal have arrested an 82 year old prominent Australian entertainer from his Berkshire home. Can you tell who it is yet?
I was at the supermarket today when I noticed some of Kellogs cereals offered 20% extra free. I'd gotten through 18% of the cereal in my third box when the security guard finally threw me out.
I'm combining Easter and April Fools day this year - I'm sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven't hidden.
Oops, post 1893 is an echo of 1877. People might guess we don't proof read each other's gags! :wink: Realy enjoyed the daiquiri joke, a cracker!
Samantha Cameron is pleased to announce that the PM's penis enlargement pills are working. He's now twice the dick he was 2 years ago.
So a school has become the subject of ridicule for banning triangular shaped flapjacks which could cause injury if thrown! My grandad doesnt think that the decision is a bad one as he was seriously injured a few years ago by flying Jap Flack!
Me and the girlfriend split up beacuse we were at different places in our relationship. I was at her sisters!
So I phoned the wife and said, "pack a bag dear iv'e booked us into a hotel for a few nights." "Why?" she said "Well iv'e been playing poker all day havn't I?" "oooh Yes! How much have you won?" "I hav'nt, Iv'e lost the house!"
Scientists have invented a new pill that is half aspirin & half super glue. It's for splitting headaches.
