Hahaha I genuinely do (Jules too), I know he’s not a lot off peoples cuppa but us essex boys have to stick together you know.
Where he was born does not forgive what he has become. That's like saying you don't clear up any dogs eggs laid near your house 'cos they are from Essex. Look, let's not fall out. I understand your pride, but make an exception just this once? God knows you're double-picky with who you let in the rest of the time. Cast him out, go on. It might be fun. I'll be waiting on the border with a cricket bat just in case I see him coming.
I dunno. Anyone who isn't Cox, Parrish, Heuwen or Jules would be preferable. Literally anyone. Hitler, someone who's never seen a bike before, a ghost horse, whatever. Just not them. Anyone but them. They're are impossibly, wilfully, triumphantly shit. I've no idea why TV companies struggle so badly to achieve this. I'd happily pay extra to have the option of turning the commentary off but leaving the sound of the bikes on. After all, there's data all over the screen about sector times and current positions, and I can see what's happening in the race since I'm watching the same race they are at the same time they are from the same feed they are with my own actual eyes. If I needed someone screaming obvious and factually inaccurate information at me whilst I try and enjoy myself I would never have had to try and hide her corpse.
Some others that aren't tedious, shouty twats? I understand that they're really knowledgeable, but sadly that doesn't make them good presenters. I know loads about porn, for example, but I'd be shit at commentary on it. I'll still do it, if you really need me too, obviously. For example, there's no question that Hodgson can ride, no question. But that pit lane banter stuff? Blimey. Like medieval dentistry. And watching Toseland talk about anything is liking waiting for a boil to burst. That said, Hodgson and The Piano Man are shining beacons of excellence compared to Keith 'I'll just shout, that's the same as being interesting' Heuwen. His voice comes to me like water to a drowning man. Gavin Emmett is excellent though, mainly I reckon as that's his actual job, rather than something about his old job. I'd love it if ex-riders could be great presenters too, that'd be ace, but so far they've not found one who is, in my opinion.
colin edwards isnt too bad although sounds a bit Cleetus-ey its the same with all sports isnt it though? ask any football fan for eg who the best commentator is and most will reply "theyre all shit" your idea about being able to turn the commentary off is a good one, no idea why sky or whoever havent been able to sort that out yet
Probably because the red button on all Sky remotes would be instantly worn out from people de-selecting Heuwen-based noises. I totally agree about all sports commentary. It makes perfect sense really- these are people that have dedicated and applied huge proportions of their lives becoming extraordinary at something mere mortals cannot achieve. It stands to reason therefore that as a result of this that something has to fall by the way side, like studies or developing more charm or personality or whatever; those things that we're all forced to develop as we don't have their super-human skills to get us a mate/ a job etc. Sadly, those qualities seem more stark when they are then taken out of their arena and placed back into an area where us normal folks feel we could confortably hold our own, like trying to be funny or chatty or just talking about a sport we care about. The shame is that TV seems convinced for sports coverage to have any value they must have ex-professionals but for the most part- for me, anyway- it subtracts more than it adds. Heuwen is-of course- the worst of both worlds. He's significantly better on a bike than I'll ever be, but in bike terms he's still a bit of a desperate choice in terms of fulfilling the criteria TV requires. I suppose the real truth is if he was better at racing he wouldn't need to do the TV stuff, which is why we don't get better ex-professionals, and we do get Keith Heuwen. On the upside, every time I do a poo I can look back on that as the golden age of MotoGP commentary as even that is more palatable than the endless shit spouted by the Shouty and Wheezy show.
I like Parrish. Can't really see what people have against him. He raced at a top level, seems to know his stuff and is engaging and personable. If that still isn't enough, I can't really think what sports commentators anyone can put up with, although the BBC snooker team are pretty top notch (except for the Scottish woman who is very boring).
I recently saw Steve Parrish on his 'mad' tour. I thought he was quite good and an enjoyable way to spend an evening listening to him chat about bikes and racing etc.
As long as they have ditched James Toseland, all will be well. Quite like the Hewen/Ryder combo. Susie Perry should be a good move. JS P.S. Rossi for the championship.
JS P.S. Rossi for the championship.[/QUOTE] Jack you mean, PS. Rossi is the champion Should be an interesting season :Nailbiting:
Now I've gathered myself after nearly a minute of going purple laughing I'll comment ! YOU my friend have probably succeeded in taking the 'funniest repost' of the year (so far). Go on, give us another :tearsofjoy:
Me too. I recall a similar rant from Nervy quite recently on Pistonheads or maybe somehwere else. I guess for those of us who sat enthralled through the Foggy/Corser/Chili/Kocinski/Gobert era of WSBK, the voices of Keith and Julian will always resonate and relate to excellent motorbike racing. Nick Harris bores the living shit out of me. I even prefer Charlie Cox to him.
You say 'rant', I say 'scientific fact'. It's all a matter of perspective. And facts. But you're right, I'm pretty sure I moaned about him on PH last year at some point. In my defence, I don't want to. I'll happily stop saying he's an ocean-going metric fucktonne of uselessness if he stops doing it. It spoils my favourite thing on the telly. I understand your point about the association with excellence, but I'm pretty sure they didn't cause or create the excellence. They are, at best, innocent by association. When I was 18 I got off with a girl with epic tits at a disco. At the time, Duran Durans 'Hungry Like the Wolf' was playing (which contains the line 'I smell like I sound') but Simon Le Bon (or Simon The Good as his ancestors were known) isn't responsible for either her tits or my access to them. I can't be certain whether he even wanted to be there, either. He's blocked me on Twitter now. It's so weird when someone mentions you from another forum, isn't it? Even though I use the same name (though I don't recognise yours, I'm afraid) it still feels a little like your a spy and your cover has been blown.
I am 'immigrant' on the other forums, though never prolific. There is no spying or phantom accounts, I just decided to use a different handle on here.
