Another one is “long story short”. One of my mates at the gym always says it, then waffles on for about 10 minutes. I ask him if that’s the short version, what the hell is the long one? Then walk off.
Hahahahaha. Guilty. I used to say that but then I found out that a few of my colleagues were taking the mickey out of me for saying it and then wanging on about something at great length and in punishing detail, so I’ve stopped. Also see “In a nutshell…”
the wife is quite posh. probably from her. or maybe from masel! tho from a working class background, i had a private school education in my early years. the first thing they do is de-accent you. i can still turn it on when it suits. Sooooo. Bristol accent. pish. sarcy as fuck.
Burns night by the way. Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face, Great Chieftain o’ the Puddin-race! Aboon them a’ ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm: Weel are ye wordy of a grace As lang ‘s my arm. The groaning trencher there ye fill, Your hurdies like a distant hill, Your pin wad help to mend a mill In time o’ need, While thro’ your pores the dews distil Like amber bead. His knife see Rustic-labour dight, An’ cut ye up wi’ ready slight, Trenching your gushing entrails bright, Like onie ditch; And then, O what a glorious sight, Warm-reekin, rich! Then, horn for horn, they stretch an’ strive: Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive, Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve Are bent like drums; Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive, Bethankit hums. Is there that owre his French ragout, Or olio that wad staw a sow, Or fricassee wad mak her spew Wi’ perfect sconner, Looks down wi’ sneering, scornfu’ view On sic a dinner? Poor devil! see him owre his trash, As feckless as a wither’d rash, His spindle shank a guid whip-lash, His nieve a nit; Thro’ bluidy flood or field to dash, O how unfit! But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed, The trembling earth resounds his tread, Clap in his walie nieve a blade, He’ll make it whissle; An’ legs, an’ arms, an’ heads will sned, Like taps o’ thrissle. Ye Pow’rs wha mak mankind your care, And dish them out their bill o’ fare, Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware That jaups in luggies; But, if ye wish her gratefu’ prayer, Gie her a Haggis!
It sets my teeth on edge when office bods who work for the likes of banks and insurance companies use “yourself” instead of “you” in attempt to make whatever it is that they’re saying sound more official or formal. For example, “Dear Mr Zhed, We have attempted to contact yourself several times over the past week in order to discuss your policy renewal. We would be grateful if yourself would contact myself at the above email address as a matter of urgency.” Twats
The reflexive and unimaginative overuse of the term “We are committed to…” in a press release (usually after a company has been caught shafting the general public or benefiting from child slavery etc), because you know that whatever follows is going to be a mealy-mouthed, self-serving pack of corporate lies and deflection masquerading as an apology.
Don't ..... just don't start me off with that subject . " Your call is important to us , please stay on the line and a representative will be with you as soon as possible "
I called somewhere the other day and they were still using “bEcOz oF cOvId” as an excuse for not answering the phone.
If it's a service centre I'm calling, I've hung up before and called the sales 'hotline', which of course is answered instantly. I then get my rant on...
Best accent- the Edinburgh accent, especially on a lady. Funniest accent- scouse, “dey do do dat dough don’t dey?” “Dey do, dey do!”
Hangover from American 70s hippy culture I think - a la Shaggy from Scooby Do. Bastard annoying when it's every 3rd word though!
